The Unfortunate Haircut

We started this process, not really knowing any differently, thinking that we would be getting an 18-24 month-old baby girl. This would mean that, once our dossier was done and off to China, life would essentially go on for about two years before we would receive a referral.

As God has done with so many adoptive parents, He gently guided us toward opening our hearts to a special needs child. Molly felt from the beginning that our wait would not be two years, but, although we knew He could, we weren't sure how God would accomplish that with the wait time for a non-special needs child being 18-24 months and increasing.

We had filled out a special needs form a month or two into the adoption process, not really knowing much about what special needs entailed.

AGCI gets a block of special needs children regularly, and they have three months to place them. If they aren’t placed, their files go back to the China Center of Adoption Affairs. Sometimes it takes months or even years before the file is referred to another adoption agency.

The needs of these children range from a minor birthmark or burn, to a cleft palate, to missing limbs and Hepatitis C.

AGCI tries incredibly hard to place every child, because they hate to see a child’s file go back to China, knowing that it will be that much longer before the child receives his or her “forever family.”

When AGCI gets a batch of special needs files, they first attempt to match the kids with families who have indicated they would be willing to take specific special needs. The kids they can’t place immediately are then sent out to all of the AGCI families via email before finally being placed on the AGCI website as waiting children.

On October 24, Kate, our AGCI China case manager, sent out an email to AGCI families featuring “a darling little girl…with an unfortunate hair cut.” She was in the Luoyang Social Welfare Institute in Henan Province. She had been found abandoned in October, 2004, and doctors estimated that she had been born in June. She had a cleft lip and palate, which doctors repaired later that year.

Kate's email:

Hello China Families,

I have another special needs child to share with you. We have contacted families that are on our waiting list and now we want to present her to the whole program. If you are interested in seeing more information about this little girl than please let me know. At the end of the day tomorrow I will see who has contacted me and I will be in touch with the family that is farthest along in the process to share her medicals with.

Dang Yi Ya (picture attached) was born June 19, 2004 and she had cleft lip and palate. She has undergone corrective surgery for both her lips and her palate and now is a darling little girl (with an unfortunate hair cut). Please let me know if you want to look over her medical and social information.

If you are not interested seeing her medical information that please lift her up in prayer – we are anxious to find her a great home.

Have a wonderful evening -
Blessings,
Kate

Kate McDodson
China & Vietnam Case Manager
All God's Children International


There was no bolt of lightning; no revelation. We had called AGCI after another such email a couple of months earlier, and that child had already been spoken for. We didn’t want to get our hopes up.

Despite the unfortunate haircut, this girl was awfully cute, though……

We agreed that I would call Kate the next day, to make sure we were still on the special needs list, and to ask more about the little girl in the email.

I got home from work and called Kate, and got her voice mail. It was one of the few nice days we had this past fall, and I told her that I would be on the tractor and then on the lawnmower, but she could try to call both our home and my cell number.

I had shut off the tractor and was walking to the mower when the phone rang. Kate had called during the not-more-than-two-minutes when I would hear the phone ring.

Kate and I discussed the special needs list, issues with adopting an older child, and I don’t know what else. Kate was very patient and encouraging, as always.

When AGCI gets more than one call expressing an interest in a child like this, the family that is furthest along in the process, typically with a dossier already in China, gets first dibs. In adoption terms, we weren’t really all that far along yet, and I asked Kate how many calls they had received on this girl, afraid of her answer. We were the first.

Kate said she would be happy to email me the referral information; she told me that they like to get a child’s file “out there” in circulation so that she is seen, and also because she may spark a family to consider special needs. She assured me that there was no obligation and that she wouldn’t think any less of us at all if we said no.

By the time I got into the house, Kate had emailed us the file in two emails with two attachments each, containing photos and medical information. I opened the first email and found myself looking at photos of our daughter.

We poured over the medical information and the three photos that night.

Molly just happened to have a meeting the next day in which she would see her pediatrician friend who worked at ABC House, a child abuse assessment center. Dr. McNaughten was gracious enough to look at the medical report and gave it her blessing.

The day after receiving the medical information, we were out at Red Robin (did I mention that Red Robin is the standard Cotter birthday dinner restaurant?) for Logan’s birthday and saw a family with a Chinese daughter who had a cleft lip. Molly’s Mom went over to talk to them and learned that the girl was three years old also.

I spoke with our associate pastor on Sunday, and Ken told me that it seemed to him that God was opening doors. He said that God was perfectly capable of closing doors, so, since they were open, we should keep on walking through.

That Sunday night, our community group met and we shared the referral with them, and we prayed as a group.

On Monday, we had the boys’ pediatrician look the medicals over as well, and Dr. Griffin pronounced her “a normal little girl.”

After getting home from work, I called Kate, and, after exchanging pleasantries, I took a deep breath, and told her, “I’m calling about the referral information you sent us..." (as if she didn’t know)…"We’re in!”